VULNERABLE CONSULTING – BEHIND THE MASK
Underneath the masks
covering our faces in public
so many masks have dropped away
this last year.
an armoured identity of consultant
which had a certain face
a certain voice
wore certain clothes
gave everything i had to my clients
giving them the very best of me
my skills, my caring, my time, my energy
split off from the rest of me
often leaving only dregs
for anything and anyone else, including me.
The chinks had been forming for years
and in this year when everything changed
the consummate professional
merged with the multi facets
under the chunks of armour
as i’ve allowed them to drop off
and bring all of me to everything i do.
And I realise that the exhaustion i had felt
at the end of so many 12 hour days
was largely from carrying that heavy suit of armour
and now, with the freedom to be fully myself
in everything i do…
You may notice the streaks of my previously covered grey hair
now shown to you proudly as a mark of my experience
like the lines on my face
a map of the journey i’ve travelled for 23,211 days
40 years since my first line of code
was punched into a card.
You may sense the pain i have felt lately
from seeing the truth under the masks of some
in it only for their gain
no longer able to hold their pretence
of fair exchange.
You may hear a softness in my voice
that has cracked through its professional crust
freeing my heart to be part of every conversation.
You may sense a lightness
as i’ve let go of the fierce grip
trying to control everything around me.
You may feel my greater openness
as we explore all the options together
to deliver exactly what you need
more practiced in being comfortable with the unknown
always the ‘’Queen of Plan B’’
now the queen of ???
You may feel me listening to you deeper
not absorbed in what my response will be
but absorbing your words first
loving the diversity
as together we weave to the most effective solution
combining all my skills and knowledge and experience
as i guide you to where you want to go
the fastest and best route
avoiding the traps i've fallen into on my journey.
And all the work i’ve done these years beneath the armour
getting to know the me under all my identities and masks
Making peace with the hardships
Building strength and structure
Finding certainty and clarity within myself
that now holds me more firmly
Allowing me to hold polarities
of requirements and views and beliefs with greater ease
Like a safe container
for all the creativity, agility, flexibility, not knowing
to flow with freedom and ease
As i deliver the very best to you.